I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
