Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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