Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
