I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
