HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
