I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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