We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
