he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
