WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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