At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
