I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
