my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
