On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
