I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
