I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
