i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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