I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
