The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
