the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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