So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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