well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
