i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
