I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
