he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
