Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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