; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
