now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
