I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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