I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
