Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
