Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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