Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
