I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
