whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
