I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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