Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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