oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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