Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
