the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize