you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
