it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
