I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
