omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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