I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
