I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize