This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
