Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
