I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
