i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
