The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
