i barfeds in our rink
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
