I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
