I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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