come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
