New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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