yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
