You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
