week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
