But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
