cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
