I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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