im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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