I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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