I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
